"God, you can have everything, but you can't have my motorcycle.."

...today has been remarkably difficult; showing no signs of struggle to the world around. A peace filled "YES" has led to another fork in the road; weighty decision applying pressure to the inner reality of my world. I have prayed for clarity; believing that God would speak clarity and guidance on the topic at hand. But, have I longed so much for someone to pour out the answer on me that I have grown fearful and naive to digging up the treasures placed within me? I listened for you God in the voices of your children; wanting so badly for prophesy to blanket my heart.

Divine intervention within the context of coffee; listening ears and a soft heart speak into my life through complete silence. Wisdom at hand, Kevin gave me no words of guidance. He ALLOWED me to drown in my own thoughts enough to learn to swim.....revelation came within the flailing. The Holy Spirit presence was FELT within the room.

...I speak of THIS journey as a sacrifice; a series of moments that beckoned me to let go of a part of myself; being asked to walk in submission and sacrifice. But, I now know that I have forgotten one string to cut; overseeing one hidden facet; the last penny to let go of.... MUSIC.

Sometimes we speak of sacrifice only in the physical; family, friends, relationships, money, time, comfort.... over coffee I discovered the need for me to surrender my DREAMS to God; passions lying deep within the corridors of my heart. I trusted God enough to yield the broadness of my life to His will, but selfishly, held so tightly to my dreams; that God's will had walk in line with MY dreams. But i know that for me to be able to walk into the massiveness of God's call on my life, I MUST be able to lay down ALL that is me; an authority written over my life by the hand of Yahweh.

Forgive me Father for my mistrust and selfishness! I trust that fullness is on its way; wholeness rides in with the approaching dawn...

...music does not define me, OUR Creator does.

I have chosen to study pastoral leadership here at Hillsong College; not laying down my gift permanently, but within a heart of surrender, releasing it for a season...